As unfortunate as it sounds, we are bombarded in the media with misconceptions about dating that are presented as fact, but are firmly rooted in pure fiction. There are no universal laws for dating, about people and relationships that fit all of the people at all times. In fact, research that was conducted with a diverse group on dating and relationships found that people’s preferences in the dating world varied widely.
But one thing remained true. Those who had a hard time finding a date were the ones who were too critical about their selection to begin with. Are you one of them? Let’s find out from the list below.
- No Specific Reasons as To Why You Turn Down Offers
Your inbox is bombarded with dating offers from doctors, lawyers, teachers, Romeos and Juliets active in the online dating scene and looking for a potential mate - short or long-term. You are excited by the attention but have a hard time selecting the right fit. Sometimes you will have a “bingo” moment about a particular person and a trait will really match with your own, but other times you may think, “This individual isn’t a match at all” for no specific reason. If this is you, yes you are picky. The more reasons you look for not to date, the less likely you will end up with one.
- Never Been In Any Relationship for Too Long
Research shows that men and women who have never been in a relationship or have had only short-term flings are also the ones who were too selective in the online dating world. An obstacle that stands in the way of long-term relationship could be a personal baggage. Most people bring their personal baggage into a new relationship. It may contain issues that were not dealt with previously. These might include wounds from complicated bonding with an ex or deep feelings such as anger or grief. Sounds familiar? We totally understand.
- Believe In Soulmate Concept
When you are dating someone or simply chatting on an online dating website with the intention of meeting that someone in person, the level of anticipation is high early in the beginning. This is because everything is new and exciting. When you are learning novel and interesting information about your date, it fuels your beliefs. You are looking for a soulmate and hence expect him or her to be perfect. The longer you scrutinize his or her behavior, traits, interests, habits or personality, the longer it takes to find a date. Do you relate to this? Then you are being choosy.
On the flip side, unfortunately, you are idealizing your date and seeing the individual through rainbow colored glasses. You are ignoring his or her faults, minimizing the effect of undesirable facts and figures. Is the date a felon? You don’t even care! He or she is unhygienic? Not a problem! In the middle of an ugly divorce and custody battle for three kids? You think it’s maturity!.
- Too Busy To Go Out
You are worried that you wouldn’t have much to talk about when you are out on a dinner with your date. How about a five-day trip to a beautiful resort a few miles away? Not a chance!. You have no energy or inclination to do it, or simply put, you are too busy with the daily rut that life brings - manage jobs, house chores, social like, friends and life issues that arise on the way. What does this mean? It means, somewhere unconsciously, you are waiting for the next perfect companion to sweep you off the feet.
- Unrealistic Dating Expectations In Every Situation
You can surely reduce the frustration of sabotaging a potential fun moment with your date by examining which of your expectations are based on fiction and are therefore unrealistic. Remember, each time you analyze this, you are creating more realistic expectations about dating. You are also avoiding the frustration that may later erupt when you go out with your future dates. When you expect less and situations that are real, you will get more out of dating - a key step to take your relationship from good to great!
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